What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i think i just lost a toe
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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