Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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