He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
