i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
