i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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