Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My ass is underappreciated
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
