I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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