oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ketchup is God's man juice
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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