Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
