Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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