and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
