Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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