i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
