every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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