Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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