piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
