32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
