There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
