Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
