College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
