last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
