i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
