It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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