Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
