I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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