I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
