So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
