i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
