think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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