Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
