went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was confusing and full of hummus
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
