For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The uberlube is also flammable
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
