He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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