$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
