I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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