I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
