Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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