i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
