I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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