May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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