and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
