Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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