My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
