you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
