My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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