My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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