He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
