we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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