Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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