does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
