Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
