And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
