Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
