Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
