They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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