new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
