I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
