i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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