suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
