you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
