We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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