I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
