ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
