I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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