Can i not drive my cunt home
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
