Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
