i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
