I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
