Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
