Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
