yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I had to cum in my sink.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
