Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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