remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
