There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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