Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
