that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage