i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.