Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.