I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.