Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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