I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves