My hand turned me down
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My dick has a subreddit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
