I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?