Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
