I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
