Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Randomize
