...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
