and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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