My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
